Dream Of Me

aww arent they the cutest

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 04:08:54 GMT

awww they are the best.....

Dude

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 01:30:36 GMT

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

And by the end of the day they had successfuly avoided everything they had planned

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 01:06:22 GMT

Well shoot...

Well ive been thinking about everything that has happened over the last year and it really has suprised me how much has happened. God. Tons have happened and it flew by yet sometimes it felt like theres no way that all happened in one year. Its crazy.

So im moving into my apartment soon. Im sad of course cause im leaving the house i grew up in since i was 4. But like i said so much has happened that i am just so ready to move on and beggin and whole new chapter in my life. God listen to me huh. But really. In all honesty I'm ready. Of all people im the one wanting things to stay the same forever. Ya know? Stay in the same house, same friends, same boyfriend, same everything. But i know i need something new. It's really exciting once i think about it. I'm so ready..

He's gonna be a crying pussy when i come backk....

But anywayz. Last night i went to work with my aunt tammy. It was super fun. I had a blast. She's a police dispatcher for gilber police departmnet. I was awesome. I got to hear a few 911 calls and a a ton of dispatching. It's really crazy when u watch these people work and stuff. It's crazy. They have like 5 comp screens they're looking at at once, like 20 cops they could be taling to all at once, a bunch of calls they could be dealing with at once. It really was awesome. And what made me like it even more is that these people are like a family. Really they are. My aunt works graveyards so we were up at like 2 a.m. eating left over pizza and chocolate cake. Thats the kinda job i want to be involved with. So i decided im gonna do it!! But only until i get out of school. Tammmy told me they hire at 18 and they pay for school and stuff and their hours are really flexible once you're out of training. So i thought it would be awesome. They pay like 20 bucks an hour too. Yes! haha. I think im gonna do it.

Smooches

ok last fricken one i promise

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 00:54:26 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Yes Sir, that there is me

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 00:51:37 GMT

Your #1 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #2 Match: ESTP

The Doer

You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second.
You love being the center of attention. Chances are you were the class clown.
Competitive, charming, and charasmatic - you have your own code of honor.
You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activies that interest you.

You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur.

Your #3 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.
Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.
Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.
You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's Your Personality Type?

wooohooo

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 00:34:56 GMT

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

DONT TURN DOWN MY MUSIC!!!

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 04 Jun 2005 23:03:20 GMT

Your Livejournal zombie attack.

LiveJournal Username

The name of your zombie infested home town.

Your zombie killing weapon of choice.

How much do zombies scare you?

Oh noes!!11 A zombie! What do you do?

Blasting zombies left and right with a freaking twelve guage. What do you think?

kamikazecowboy

Curled into a fetal position crying their eyes out.

___love_suicide

Is pwning some zombies with Don't Stop Me Now playing in the background.

kotchspotting

Is sitting at home watching CNN and eating ice cream.

white_trash1512

Get ripped to pieces by the zombies. Bummer.

kotchspotting

Is the zombie king who you must destroy to end the zombie menace.

sonotcool6666

Number of zombies you decapitate.

166

Chances you survive the zombie swarm.

53%

This Fun Quiz created by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net

Scorpio Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Dude. Wtf was i thinking

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 04 Jun 2005 22:50:16 GMT

So I've been thinking. And I have just now asked myself the question, "WTF was I thinking?"

Then i realized that maybe i wasn't who he thought i was

Then I realized he has no f-ing clue who he is......hence the following of the crowd

It really makes me sad that he has to have a gf that's worse then him so he looks better...

My spanish teacher told him that i could do so much better....

I think it hurt him a tad..

Now i realize my Spanish teacher was right

And he's gonna look back and kick himself for letting me get away

It's okay I'm not bitter

I'm actually pritty happy

Cause i know that he still looks at me..

His loss...not mine...

I <3 MY FRIENDS

Well I Finally See Where This Is Going

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 04 Jun 2005 22:45:07 GMT

Yea you know it's true

when the shit finally hits the ceiling

life doesn't seem so easy anymore

and then you're right back yo wishing

that you never would have changed

BUT I GUESS IT'S OKAY TO LOOK BACK AT WHAT YOU GAVE UP

Don't worry though

Judt put those rose colored glasses on and pretend like you're not the real you

Hey man, don't sweat it!

Fackers always survive in this world somehow

How do you think half the assholes survive these days?

BUT I GUESS IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO GIVE UP BEFORE DYING

It's okay though

I suppose that's the way the world goes round

You gave me mine and someday you'll get your's

No sence in worrying

BUT HEY. I GUESS IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN AROUND AND RUN

I finally know that i was way too good for you

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Mon, 30 May 2005 21:19:40 GMT

You called to say you wanted out
Well, I can't say I blame you now
Sometimes you've got to fold vefore you're found out
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself
'Cause now that I can see you
I don't think you're worth a second glance

So much for all the promises you made, they served you well
Now you're gone and they're wasted on me
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
Now it's just worn and wasted on me

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get

AHHHHHHH

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Thu, 26 May 2005 02:18:04 GMT

4 MORE DAYS!!

Goodbye to school for at least 2 months!

Cody says he wants to stay in Kansas with his grandma for a semster. What's up with that???

Green Day & Jimmy Eat World- OCTOBER 3RD @ AWA!!

Give me yo number and i'll call....i'll follow that thang in the mall...

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 18 May 2005 01:06:19 GMT

so hey hey hey....

whats up???

so today i was kinda sad...then i got happy....blick
i'm kinda in a wierd mood right now...i'm nonchalant right now and for me that's really wierd.

dude i so saw her today. i actually started dry heaving and i dont think i've ever done that before. i just imagined what they do together and it totally grossed me out. I am so way better. I dont even have to begin to tell you. I know that sounds mean but i am the shiznit and i am always putting myself down. Well fuck you for all of you who let me!!!!

oh well....

it's quite comical....

he can check me out in drill and whenever he sees me somewhere else...yet he has a girlfriend...
i find it really funny that whenever i see him she's never with him....hmmm.....and i see him random places so it's not like she's not around cause he knows i'll be there.......

ashamed? i think just a little bit........
that's a whole new kinda sad right there....

I'M GOING TO THE GREENDAY CONCERT ON OCTOBER 3RD. HELL YES!!

Howdy Doody

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sun, 08 May 2005 00:19:09 GMT

So what's up? How are things with all my pals? Great I hope!!

Welp today was okay. Me and my mom went Apartment shopping. It was really kinda fun. We found one we liked. OMG it is sooo awesome. I mean it. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms, a nice kithcen with a bar, it comes with a washer and dryer. It is really nice and it's not too far from the house anywayz. So yea. It might sound really bad but I'm excited. It's like a whole new start and everything. It's great. And for the longest time i swore that my life was not going to be a cookie cutter, pottery barn, white picket fence kinda life forever. So i suppose I'm normal now huh? My parents are divorced. Well okay they're not yet but they will be. I just find it kinda weird that I dont see my dad. Maybe it's more wierd that I dont seem to notice that he's not around. But anywayz.....

On the dramatic front.....Joe

Well he has a new girlfriend. Come to find out him and Angela did date. But she dumbed him. HA! Karmas a bitch aint it? Oh well. I kinda like her now lol. But yea. I didn't really think that he was seeing anybody but then a couple told me that he was with some blonde chick and they looked pritty close. But I just told myself not to believe it cause people could be wrong. But a las i saw them together on Wednesday. I didnt really look at her. But i did see him. He looked a little nervous when he saw me. OOps. Oh well. People are telling me that she's kinda blick and really not that great. Like i said I havnt really seen her so i wouldnt really know. I dont really know what to think. I think the main thing going on with me is that I would rather him want me and me have someone else and be moving on rather then him not want me but someone else. I'm not really sure if i still have feelings for him. I just think I'm in love with the old Joe rather then the new one. After all he has changed so much and I dont think it's for the better. He can't seem to make up his mind, he's throwing everything that he ever had away. Who knows. I no longer know Joe. That was a thing in the past. I think it drives him crazy that i dont care anymore...................

Amber and Trisha are moving into an apartment in October. They already sighned the lease and everything. I'm nervous for them.......I hope everything turns out how they want it.

Cody, cody, cody. WTF am i thinking.........im so confused.

Have you ever wanted to know every little detail of someones life? Why do i care so much? Maybe i just need to know that I'm not as bad as i think. Maybe I need to know that I'm better somehow. Maybe i need to know that I'm wanted. Maybe i just think too damn much and i am wanted i'm just too damn awesome for people to admit it to me........haha

So This is so crazy go cheesy!!

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 04 May 2005 01:17:17 GMT

So hey there all u fine ass arizonianz. How are we all?

I am pritty damn swell. It's great really.

Well I happen to be bored and my thoughts happen to be rambling so i thought. "Hey lets my a gay wad and write it in my LJ?" so okay those my not have been my exact thoughts but close enough right? Right. so here I go.

1) Brittney Spears has become a terrible singer. Okay i take that back she has always been a terrible singer but not she's just terribly annyoing. Like all her songs are sounding like Toxic. Also she was a hott enough slut in the whole Cathlioc school girl thing. Do u really need to dance around in ur underwear? As far as I'm concerend she's gone past hott and into the group where she's fit to be walking on the streets of Van Buren asking drunk college boys for a little cash.

2) Michael McDonald loves to shove my face in his crotch. I so think he wants me ;)

3) VH1 has an overload of those top 10 top 20, most crazy moments, most stupid people, i love the 80's kinda shows. And i gotta tell ya..........i cant get enough.

4) Jimmy Eat World is not as hard core as i thought. I <3 them.

5) Guys will lie and hide their emotions just so they can save face. Not confident enough? I say yes

6) Gas prices are redic.

7) I need to get a car. It sucks not having one

8) It's funny how one look or one second of eye contact can change a person's opinion about how you feel about them. It makes it so easy to play games with them

9) I think i would be excelent as a crazy doctor. I'm really good and figuring out why people do the things they do........I think thats what i want to do.

10) Too many people in this world are not sarcastic enough for my liking. Is that good or bad?

11) I'm a tease. You cant handle it........not make me tease then.

12) A lot more people have prospects for relationships then i do and i have people tell me that i am so much more "beautiful" then a lot of people. And they say people base their feelings on looks...

13) I look 18 not 15. We went to Mill Ave. and i was getting hit on by 20 year old guys. Is Kristin going back to the old days? Maybe to an extent?

14) Highschool boys are stupid. I <3 college boys

15) I cant wait to go to college.

16) Amber and Trish are getting an apartment. I find it ironic that the people who so badly want to get out and grow up are the ones telling other people that they should relax and enjoy highschool and stop trying to grow up so fast.

17) Do people really use the 10 commandments

18) Why has religion become so uncomfertable?

19) Joe has the hotts for me........lol and im getting to the point where i think he's a doushbag. Meh. Too bad for him. lol

20) Cody so wants me. He just wont say anything

21) Mike and i will never date. He just wants to get in my pants. And i want to get in his. Will it ever happen? no. I'm glad we have this type of silent agreement.

22) I feel smarter then Col and Chief. I'm a freaking genious.

23) I have this strange attraction to Lacrosse players now.

24) I am such a surfer chick without water and a surfboard.

25) I am one of a kind. No1 will ever find anyone like me. Garanteed.

Okay enough of my lame thoughts. I better go take a long hott bath since i feel like i'm going to cough up a lung here.

<3

Did anyone else know Carl Winslow is gay?

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 30 Apr 2005 20:00:02 GMT

So hey guys!! Whats up? This weekend has been going pritty pimp ass. I spent the night at Amber's house last night and i am still here!! Yay i get to spend the whole weekend with her! Yay. Trish and Cody were with us too. Trish is going out with us after she gets done moving. Dont know if Cody is going with us or not. I dont think he is.

So it's official. My parents are getting a divorce. I guess my mom was having a really hard night on Thursday and so my dad came over to my aunts house and they talked. I guess that he is not coming home. I swear I always tell everyone that I understand the whole mid-life crisis kinda thing and the whole teenage trying to find yourself kinda stage. But i will never understand till the day i day how someone can throw away a 20 year marriage so easily. My parents have been split up for about a month or 2 and my dad has already made up his mind. I think its crazy. But we'll be fine. I told her that. I just kinda feel helpless. I mean what am i suppose to do? What are you suppose to do when a mom asks her 15 year old daughter if she is going to be okay as she's crying? Its crazy but ill be fine. I'm strong enough. ((Sigh)). Okay regroup.

So yea. On to happier times. So yea Trisha and Amber are seriously moving into an appartment over in Tempe. It's pritty close to Mill Ave. so that's pimp ass. I'm very excited. By the time they move in i will have my truck and go over there all the time. Yay. Then my senior year i might move in with them. God i can not even tell you how long i have been waiting for the day when i get to move out and live on my own. I know. It's not as great as it sounds and there's a lot to it......Whatever. Screw all of u who are trying to kill my dreams!! im kidding of course!!

so how do i feel about Cody??

Well Hello There

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 00:59:33 GMT

Well hey guys! What's up? Well needless to say things have been crazy all over again for me! Something happened and now i am living at my aunt and uncles house, basically in queen creek. Things are crazy. I've been living here for ohhh maybe 3 weeks now. It's really not that bad. Maybe I'm just dumb right now to what is going on in my life. Or I'm just more concered about other things. I dont know.

So Mil ball was on Saturday. I was a little freaked out before it started cause there wasnt as many people as we expected but we still had a kick ass time. I was a tad bit disappointed cause you know who didnt show up. Course with him being the way he is now that's not wierd. I was a little sad cause this was my last hoorah. That was going to be my night where i was gonna wow him and basically say "In your face. Your loss loser" without actually saying it. To be honest with you I'm basically over Joe. I think im just at that stage where im curious just cause we used to date. And since i was so involved in his life and i was quickly cut out of his life sometimes it feels like i just have to know. Blick. I mean it still bugs we that i cant have him. I mean im not one of those people that always gets what i want. Trust me. I dont have a fairy tale kinda person. It just bugs me. I'd rather be the one rejecting him then him rejecting me. Of course I'm sure that's how we all feel. Basically I miss him but I know I will be just fine without him. His loss right? We wants to be a marine now? What happened to Navy SWCC?

Amber left on Friday. Well not really she just left the school. But it's basically the same thing. I miss her mucho already. I'm going to see her all the time thought. YAY! this weekend we have to spend everyday together!!! i so miss her. I miss her dad too. He was getting to be my 2nd dad.

So i've started hanging out with my old crew. The one i hung out with before i got all kindsa friends with my rotc friends. Its going pritty good. Its gonna take a little while til i get back in the groove of things with them. I miss them a lot too. I think its good for me though. I dont have to worry about boyfriends hurting me (in the group not in general). I dont have to worry about drama (well other then funny drama). Or anything. It will be good for me. Yay!!!!

So i miss you all. Everyone that i havnt spoken to in awhile. Eric. Even though you probably hate me you big fat loser!

Anywayz i gots to go.

I love you all

Smooches

yo yo yo

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:22:45 GMT

KRISTIN
K	is for	Kinky
R	is for	Relaxed
I	is for	Influential
S	is for	Sparkling
T	is for	Tender
I	is for	Impassioned
N	is for	Natural

What Does Your Name Mean?

A look into the mind of Kristin

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Fri, 25 Mar 2005 03:53:45 GMT

Hey guys! Whatâ€™s goin on? Welp I hope everything with you guys is totally awesome. For those of you on spring break I hope itâ€™s roxing ur boxers! This past week has been pretty awesome. Not as eventful as last week but thatâ€™s okay, I need time to chill. So Sunday I went to the air show. It was awesome. They had a show of pearl harbor and everything. They of course had the thunderbirds. They were kick ass. I saw a couple female pilots. They so rock. Yay. Went to dinner with my aunt and uncle and little cousins afterwards (my mom was there too). Went to Abuelos. Great food for those of you who have never been there. I would recommend it! Food isnâ€™t too spicy either.

I have my glamor shots back for those of who want one! Ooo awesome too. The place called and they wanted to put my mom and Iâ€™s picture up on the wall in their place! Isnâ€™t that pimp ass? But we said no cause it costs $400 bucks cause u have to buy the picture and the big ass frame afterwards. That would have been kool though huh? So crazy story for those of you still reading this. My mom got a tattoo! No fricken joke. It was so awesome. She came home from work one day and she was like....donâ€™t look at me like Iâ€™m crazy but Iâ€™m thinking about getting a tattoo. Itâ€™s on her lower back and itâ€™s a heart with those crazy line designs coming out the side. For those of you who know tattoos, they are a pretty popular design. Even better she said I get to get one on my b-day! Yay! I only have a little over 5 months before I get one. If you have any awesome suggestions give me some pics or something. Yay.

I havenâ€™t gotten my permit yet. Bummer. Iâ€™m studying though so I can get it sometime soon. I want to drive soon. Although we donâ€™t exactly have something i can drive. Thereâ€™s no way Iâ€™m learning how to drive in the dodge. Itâ€™s too big.

So anyway. I was feeling insightful today. Donâ€™t worry Iâ€™m not gonna bitch or whine, itâ€™s actually a pretty good one today. Okay so yea this is about Joe and â€œthe guysâ€. So I was talking to my ex last night and he was talking to me and he was like why did you all of a sudden stop caring about me, and why were you so mean about it too? And I started explaining myself and how I felt and then I finally realized that's why I stopped caring was probably the same way Joe was feeling. I felt so bad. Okay so I stopped caring about my ex the way I did cause my life started getting really busy and something happened that was crazy and took up all my time and my thoughts. So much so that I didnâ€™t really have to time nor the energy to have a boyfriend. Then we went for a long period of time without talking to each other and seeing each other and I just lost the feeling. I didnâ€™t mean for it to happen, hell I didnâ€™t want it to happen it just did. And I was such a bitch about it cause I wanted him to understand that I didnâ€™t want to be with him anymore. I feel so bad guys. For yelling at Joe and shit. I canâ€™t believe that it took me this long to realize it. He was so busy with honor guard, lacrosse, school, his family, and making sure he was on the right track to the navy, that he just didnâ€™t have time for me. Yea we saw each other but we didnâ€™t really spend that time together. Yea he has done some stuff that isnâ€™t kool even if he doesnâ€™t care about me or whatever but shit happens, ppl make mistakes. And I also think that heâ€™s just changing and it hit him fast and hard, thatâ€™s why heâ€™s been â€œactingâ€ the way he has been. And itâ€™s not like he ment for this to happen, hell he probably didnâ€™t want it to but it did. Course i could be wrong. I've been wrong before, but I'm pritty sure that's what happened. And if I'm so worried about "getting him back" and us being togethor again me being all emo and sad cause he hurt me is not going to bring him back. I need to move on. For my own sake. And whatever happens... happens
I had more to add about the guys but Iâ€™ll add it later.

Itâ€™s really sad but I think Iâ€™m on the road I need to be. Iâ€™m gonna find someone that wants to be with me.

<3

Whew! I'm home.

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 00:03:07 GMT

Well hey there kids! How are we? I got home from Tucson this morning. It was a blizast! I went with my madre and her friend. We stayed at Linda's house (my mom's friend's sister's house). It was fun. Lets see what we did.

Wednesday Night: Went to Chili's for happy hour. Had some kick ass chicken strips with some kick ass honey mustard mmmmm... and strawberry lemonaide. hehe. then we came home and watched Taxi. It was good

Thursday: We (mary, me, my mom, linda, joey, allison, nick) went to see Pacifier. It was sooooo corney. LOL I dont think i will look at Navy Seals the same. Poor Jon. Then we hung out and laid out in the sun. I have a major tan line on my chest and shoulders. Its crazy, but i look good. haha. Cept it doesnt match the cut of the dress i wanted. OOps. Oh well. Then we had some corn beef and cabage and green cake to celebrate good ol' st. patties day! yay! I <3 Ireland. And watched Ladder 49. Is it me or what but i thought John Travolta looked pritty damn good in this one....c'mon ladies..are ya with me?

Friday: Came home. Whew. I made it.

I had fun. I dont really like Tuscon cause its kinda boring, but i had fun. I am really proud of my mom and how well she is doing. I thought things were gonna be a lot worse but they arent. Course i think that's because we're keeping busy, but hey if that's what helps! I missed Amber and all my gang while I was there.

And...I miss Danny. I want him to come back from Iraq. I think I will just have to fly a plane over there and snatch him right up and bring him home with me. And since he's been Iraq for a couple of months he's probably lonley but that will be perfect timing cause I'll be there to rescue him and then he'll realize that he needs me and he'll be like "Oh Kristin, you saved me from being sad and depressed thankyou so much!" And then we will have our wild and crazy love with Berlin's- "Take My Breath Away" playing in the background. Then we will get married and have the cutest little skater babies ever. Oh by the way. U ladies are my brides maides.OKay? You know who you are.

Hey a girl can dream cant she?

Tash. I <3 YOU. RETAKE THE ASVABS! YOU'LL KICK THEIR IZASS NEXT TIME! <3 AMBERNESS

soo..

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 04:50:39 GMT

dude. im a little irratated. First off i thought some friends are there for me and shit and i can talk to them and now they call me a drama queen. Now i understand why someone doesnt want to talk to anyone about how he feels. God forget this crap. If u dont want to hear about my life then dont read my journal and second off i dont talk shit about someone all i said was how much i miss him since this is the only oulet where i talk about someone. U wanna tell me that im a drama queen and that im obsessive then u come and tell it to my face. bah! I understand what betrayal is right now. Bah im kinda hurt. But me being upset would be drama.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

dude. i guess i might as well keep it all then. I'm done. I will keep it in and become depressed and sad just like i was a year ago. U all get what u wanted. hoep ur happy

Blah

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sun, 06 Mar 2005 23:14:35 GMT

<lj-cut text="Amber pours her heart out"

Sorry guys, please try and bear with me on this entry, I woke up this morning feeling a tad inciteful or full of shit, whatever you want to say!
Okay, last night was a great night! I went out with my bestest friend kristin and Shea and Alyssa, and we ate at Chili's and then we went and um...well, we had a lot of crazy illegal fun, but shhh!
I realized at dinner that most of the conversation generated by Kristin and I was all our woes about Jon and Joe. I realized just how sad I was whenever I thought about Jon and the whole situation. Kristin too. This is what I have been pondering since that realization:

My group of friends or at least the people I know are all very different, but in many aspects the same. We are all looking for some grand experience out of high school, or our lives as they are today to take with us in order to not forget. Not forget our youth, or a time where we could just have fun and be crazy and not worry about certain responsibilities. I don't know about all of you, but I don't want to leave Chandler High School and take only a diploma with me. I want something more, because believe it or not, we will all get old, and we will all die. I don't want to be 80 years old in a nursing home with nothing to reminisce about while I am sitting in my rocking chair, indulging in senial dimensia! We all (admit it or not) want to make a connection with someone so we can draw all of our emotion and focus it on them and feel wanted and loved, and being able to love them as much as your soul will permit in return. Very few actually find that connection and live somewhat "happily ever after", many never ever find it and move on to greater things, and then there are those who do truly find it at such a young age and fall head over heels in love, and yet miss out on the happily ever after ending. I won't lie and say that I am over Jon, or even somewhat close. But i will say that I have come to the realization that loving someone even if you love them with all of your heart, will not make them love you back no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of that. Kristin, this goes for you as well, and any other person who has been through an emotional break up. I have learned so much from my entire journey with Jon. We have been through so much together since I began the entire chapter of high school. There are many things that I regret, and I have hurt him in the past, and he has hurt me as well. But somehow, we always ended up forgiving and moving on, because we loved each other. Some things though, are not so easy to forget, and all of the I love you's and hugs and kisses will not erase the feeling it left. In some cases it easier to just let go and cut your losses, and in other cases it is worth putting more effort and hanging on even if it means just one more month of love with eachother. Whatever point you are at, you have to decide. Someone once told me that sometimes you just get the bad end of an un-fair trade. And that my friends will happen a lot to you in this life. Just be prepared. He has moved on, and so should I. It is a very sad thing to think that if at any given moment he were to change his mind and want to be with me again, I would drop anything and anyone I had to be with him. That feeling and emotion is like an invisible pair of handcuffs that limits my ability to move on. I love Jon still, and the fact of the matter is I will always feel that way because he is my first love. Every sappy lifetime origional movie will tell you that you never forget your first love.
At times I feel lost and I cry because I miss him. I get angry when I think about him with her, telling her he loves her, and her getting all of the things I used to get or dreamed about like prom. But I can't blame anyone because no one can help how they feel. Wow, I never though that I would hate a cliche more! I do think that what happened was wrong and I do feel that she is wrong for him and the whole situation is shady.

I am very grateful that I had the chance to have Jon in my life and love him so much. It made me feel like I was alive. I felt things for him, that I did not even think I was capable of feeling. From the first time I said I love you and I was affraid of no response, to the first time we had a real kiss, and I though I was going to pass out. Oh yeah, you really do get weak in the knees! Ask Tash, I called her right after! I can only imagine that somewhere out there, even if I have to wait awhile there is another guy who will love me more than I could ever imagine, and I will love him with all of my heart. Having been in love with Jon gave me hope, because I know that maybe I will feel as wonderful and special as I did with him, with someone else. I am at the moment content with knowing myself, and doing whatever I can to be a better person that makes me happy, not trying to change myself to appease some guy.

Right now, I think about Jon every day, and I miss him and love him very much. Every day over time will turn in to every other day, and maybe once about every week, and then....
I will only think about him every time I see scuba gear, or watch Toy Story, or even when I open a package of fruit and cream starburst, and I seperate the grapes ones from all of the other flavors.
Jon isn't part of my life anymore, but I wish him well with his.

And for now, I love him and miss him very much!
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, regret for the things we did not do, is inconsolable"

peace out!>

So i read that and i didn't really know quite what to think. I am truley confused as to what to think. First i have people telling me to forget him and move on and just be happy that he was in your life. On the other hand i have people who have gone through many of the same situations and they have gotten back togethor and are telling me not to give up quite yet. Everyone seems to think im just a 15 year old girl so i don't quite know too much about life and the pain love brings with it. Not so true. I had a 2 year relationship with someone and i loved him dearly. God knows i did. Things ended and i was heart broken and everything. I dealt with that shit for like a year and a 1/2 no joke. Then Joe and i started getting really close and I was really taken back. My 2 year relationship was amazing but Joe was awesome. I have never felt so loved in my life. Never. And I understand that Amber, things are very much a like in our things with Jon and Joe. Things have happened. Everything was so amazing and wonderful. Then things changed within a week no joke. And honetly i saw Jon when things between him and Amber didn't work out and he didn't act the same. Jon seemed happy. Jon wasn't confused at least i don't think he was, as well as the relationship had gone on for 3 years. I see Joe and i see how he acts and i have people coming up to me and telling me that he seems so sad and i'm nowhere around. It's not just a fake face that he is putting on to make me feel like i was important in his life. I know most of the people that read this are gonna tell me that if Joe is doing all this stuff with his ex then he really isnt worth it. I honestly think that he is just so confused. I mean the people that i talk to often know that I'm not too optimistic sometimes. Sometimes i'm so torn that he was thinking about being with Angela. I'm not always like this thinking that he wants to be with me, but once again the facts pop out at me. Col is telling me that Joe isnt acting the same, Jon tells me that he's not acting the same, Shea, Mike, Amber, me, everyone is saying that.

Joe and I had a deep conversation the thursday before he broke up with him and the conversation consisted of a lot of how he felt. He told me that things just were so busy and that he didn't know what to think about anything anymore. He told me that he felt like no1 was on his side. I told him to talk to someone and he said he didn't want to cause he felt like ppl would call him a "drama king." I can't get over the fact that he said that he wanted to be with me for a very long time and that he was willing to give SWCC up for me. I mean if you knew Joe he wouldnt give anything up for anyone. I mean i can't get over that. I can't get over the fact that when we broke up i asked him if we would ever get back togethor he said he didnt know. It wasnt a no it was a i dont know. I cant get over the fact that after i had a huge outburst and yelled at him the next day he was around me. True he said he didn't love me anymore and that maybe his feelings towards me were just lust, but then u have ppl telling me that Joe has never been so happy and never been so comfertable around a girlfriend, he's never worried about a girl so much.

Call me stupid and way too optimistic. Tell me im obsessive and to just let go but I cant get over the time when no1 was around and the way we were togethor. No1 saw us when Joe was real about us. Us at Mesa's Mil ball and we were dancing and he was whispering in my ear that he loved me so much and he's never felt like this about anyone. ever. Us going home after school and going to my house and falling asleep next to each other for an hour and a half. Before he went to the lake last year around October he came over to my house just to see me and he didnt want to leave. Calling me when he was at the lake and his dad's birthday even if it was for a minute. How bout us talking on the phone for 3 hours everyday. Him making all the moves. I made no moves at all. He's the one that said i love you first. He's the one that said i want to be with you for a long time. He did everything and now he doesnt want to be with me as he tells me that he doesnt know what to think about anything. True that thursday before we broke up he said he cared about me and he wanted to be with me but he didnt know what to think about us in the future. Im sorry but I cant just say yea Joe was a good learning expierience in my high school years. I'm not gonna get over him when i dont have any answers. None of that makes sence to me. I'm not gonna be forceful but i just dont believe that he just stopped caring about me. I realize that people change but that quickly? Right now I'm not giving up my hope. I'm not gonna be forceful. He probably thinks that no1 cares anyway. So what if i put myself through agony until he leaves. So be it. I just cant quite convince myself that he really doesnt care.

I heard how angry he was when he was talking about how he felt. I had a time in my life when I was confused and didn't know what to think and I didn't know what i wanted and there are things that i gave up that i now realize that i wish i hadnt and I want them back. I understand that it doesnt matter how much I love him. I wont bring him back, although it may make him realize that i wasnt kidding when i said those words. I realize that it wasnt really me that made him end our relationship. After all when he broke up with me and I told him i'd change he told me he didn't want me to change. I dont know. He still turns around and looks at me like he needs me. i swear.

I just cant get over the facts.......

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sun, 06 Mar 2005 18:09:02 GMT

Remember these days?

I miss you

Yawn.

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sun, 06 Mar 2005 17:57:46 GMT

So hey there kiddys. I miss you all. This weekend kinda seemed like it went by forever. God. Hahaha. Last night was so much fun. Dude. I went out with Amber, Shea, and Alyssa? We went to chili's while shea was cursing like a drunkin sailor around a bunch o' little kids. Lol. Amber and I bitched about our issues. It is so hard for the two of us to get togethor and not at least bring the two guys at least a little bit. Arg. Then we went and did something illegal. I'm not gonna tell you what...let's just leave it at that.

Yesterday i went for a run at South Mountain. I <3 that mountain. If it is at all possible to have feelings for a piece of land. But anywho. It was awesome. Had a good 2 to 2 1/2 mile run. Was thinking about all that is going on in my life right now. Got to the parking lot and saw this hottttttttttttt guy....ugh. he was a hottie. He was checkin me out too. haha. go me.

So let's vent about Joe a little bit. Don't worry it's not gonna be too dramatic today is actually an up day for me. So last night we were at chilis and of course me and amber were talking about Jon and Joe. So I'm talking about my little outburst on Wednesday and Shea tells me that she saw him and he looked really lonley. A bunch of people are telling me that he probably does miss me. I'm really optimistic sometimes. Like i talk to amber a bunch and she can judge character really well and she's telling me a bunch of times that he just doesnt look like he knows what to do with himself. Or he looks really lost. And i see him everyday and he doesn't smile really anymore. He always looks sad or tired or pissed off. I just wish i could be there for him. I wish he'd let me hold him but that won't happen.

On thursday i wasn't there at all cause i had an orchestra thingy. So i got back from the Orchestra thing right after school and Joe seemed to miss me or want to be around me or something. Like thursday was the day after i had my little outburst i figured he'd hate to be around me and what not...or he couldnt even be 10 yards away from me. But he kept looking at me....he was pritty close to me....and we made eye contact ummm at least 10 times i'd say. Maybe i'm being way too optimistic but im not giving up all those ppl that are telling me to just get over him. I love Joe way too much to just let him go that fast. I mean i'm not positive how joe feels about me or anything for that matter but i'm not giving up hope. At least not yet. I'm not trying to make myself feel better these are the plain facts.

I woke up feeling confident cause i had a dream....and it better be true...i hope

I LOVE YOU ALL SOOO SOOO MUCH.I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU

That would be kick ass

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 05 Mar 2005 20:39:08 GMT

You Should Try Sandboarding

As extreme as snowboarding...
Except you won't get cold!

What Extreme Sport Should You Try?

Okay...can u tell im trying to make myself feel better?

get_a_reaction@yahoo.com — Sat, 05 Mar 2005 20:25:20 GMT

Gemini - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go.

You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire.

You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:

You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person.

You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships.

Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:

Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested.

Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave.

An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:

Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:

Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice.

Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet.

Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:

Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast.

Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can.

Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time.

Best place to meet someone online:

Match.com - enough sexy singles for you to find a new playmate when you get restless

Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow

Best day for a date: Wednesday

Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

^^^ that would be joe's...do u think he let me go too fast? what do we think?